The Fullness of Quiet Read online

  “By this point the sun had set and dinner was being laid so they made their way to the grand dining hall. They talked and laughed over dinner and the young man had not once asked about her secret. The Princess thought this was odd but soon forgot about it as she found she was having such a good time. When it was time for them to go to bed he gave her a gentle kiss on the cheek and retired to his room.

  “For hours he desperately tried to get to sleep but no matter how much he tossed and turned, it was impossible. All he could think about was the beautiful, laughing Princess. In the early hours of the morning he crept out of bed and into her room. He approached her bed and took her hand in his. She looked so peaceful sleeping, but her eyelids flickered open and she looked up at him.

  “He told her how he could not sleep and desperately wanted to know what her big secret was. He lay down next to her and told her all the wonderful things he could think of. He told her how beautiful she was, how magical her laugh was and how charismatic her personality was...”

  “What is charismatic?” signed Helen. I quickly explained and waited to see if she would understand. She thought for a moment and nodded. I smiled. “Please keep telling the story!”

  “Sorry,” I signed back and picked up from where I left off. “They lay there until the sun came up and still she had not told him what her deepest secret was. During that afternoon the young man was called to the throne room where the young Princess sat with her Mother and Father. The Princess told him that he had failed to find out her deepest secret but the young man begged her to give him another day and every other day for the rest of his life. He told her that he would not rest until he knew her secret and would go to the ends of the world for her if he could only know.

  “The King smiled down at this young man that had no fortune of his own and he nodded. The Princess told him that there was no secret but she wanted to find a true husband who would listen to her and love her. She said that he had been so loving and kind that she chose him to be her husband. The young man jumped up and took the Princess in his arms. He gave her a long kiss and they lived happily ever after.”

  Helen’s flow of questions was so fast that her tiny little hands could barely keep up. I signed to tell her to slow down and for the next fifteen minutes she asked a complete array of questions. I answered each one with patience and before I’d even finished, she had a second one lined up for me. I eventually got her to settle down and kissed her goodnight, leaving her door ajar enough for a sliver of light to fall across her bedroom floor.

  I padded downstairs to find Daddy watching the TV. The motorbikes were on, so of course, he was watching. I liked it when he watched them. He muted the sound, not interested in what the commentators had to say about the race and for a short time I don’t feel so alone as I know that he has nothing to listen to either.

  I gave him a kiss on the cheek and signed to tell him goodnight. He asked about Helen and I told him I’d told her a story and she was all tucked up in bed. He smiled gratefully. I trundled upstairs and flopped down on my bed. I was so unbelievably tired and for no reason. I guess it had been a long day. I attempted to undress myself whilst still lying down. I was unsuccessful.

  I pushed myself off the bed and undressed, allowing my clothes to litter my bedroom floor. I scoured my room for some pajamas before eventually getting under the covers and going to sleep.

  Chapter 3

  I woke up in the morning after the strangest dream I had had in a long time. Helen hadn’t come in to see me yet so I checked my clock: 6:30 a.m. I still had at least another half an hour. My mind ran over the details of the dream.

  The new boy, Joshua, had been in it. That in itself was weird; I hadn’t even spoken to him yet. I’d been kidnapped by someone and he was trying to save me. He was chasing after my kidnapper and was calling my name. I can never hear in reality so I never hear in my dreams. All I saw was his lips moving, forming the letters of my name. I tried to call out to him but I couldn’t tell if I had or not. The world was a blurry confusion around me. And that’s when I woke up.

  I decided that lying in bed wasn’t very constructive so I dragged myself to my feet and treated myself to a twenty minute shower. It was so refreshing. I shut off the water and stood there for a moment, contemplating what would happen today. I wondered whether I should speak to this Joshua kid. After all, he might be really nice and just in need of a friend.

  I stepped out the shower, toweled myself down and padded into my bedroom, still thinking about the dream. I walked back and forth between my bedroom and the bathroom as I got ready. I took my time, not only because I was preoccupied with thinking but also because I knew there was no rush.

  I’d never been a big believer in dreams meaning something. I know that some stuff triggers thoughts in your subconscious and they sometimes appear in your dreams but I don’t necessarily believe that your dreams dictate your fate to you. How could your own subconscious possibly know your fate?

  Predicting the future is impossible. I’ve always thought so. Sure you can predict the weather by measuring movement of the clouds and such but I don’t believe you can predict events. On the third of next month I will have Frosties for breakfast. Most likely, seeing as I usually have Frosties for breakfast. Honestly some people are just ridiculous.

  I was eventually dressed and ready for school and yet I still had an hour to kill. I went to go and find Helen. She was still curled up in bed. At least someone was able to have a lie in. I decided to leave her for another fifteen minutes. I went downstairs to fix myself a bowl of cereal. I walked through the kitchen door to find Daddy stood at the kitchen counter, reading the newspaper. I walked over to him and wrapped my arms around him. He was beginning to look haggard.

  I signed to him, telling him I loved him. He smiled wearily at me and signed that he loved me too. I gave him a kiss on the cheek and began to make my breakfast. I paused to ask him why he wasn’t at work yet. He told me that he didn’t have to go in until ten. He didn’t know why, his boss was just being nice for once. I smiled and got on with eating.

  Helen trundled into the kitchen and gave me a cheeky smile.

  “Good morning Jocelyn. Why are you awake?” she signed.

  I shrugged. She smiled at me and went about getting herself something to eat. She plonked herself next to me just as I was finishing and began chatting away to Daddy. I began to lip read as to what sort of conversation they were having but it seemed that Helen was just babbling on about why she was looking forward to school today.

  I washed up my bowl and went to fetch my things for school. By the time I got back downstairs, Helen was still chatting away and she wasn’t even dressed.

  “Come on, hurry up. You want to get to school on time do you not?” I signed. She nodded and scampered away upstairs.

  “Thank you,” signed Daddy. I smiled. He kissed the top of my head before disappearing up the stairs so he too could get dressed.

  I didn’t really know what to do with myself. Normally, I’d be rushing around getting ready. It was strange having this spare time on my hands. I decided to help Helen get dressed. Maybe I’d do her hair in a French plait today.

  I walked into her room and could see her singing along to her CD player again. I was surprised to find that she was almost fully dressed. I found her rucksack and began to pack her things for the day.

  “Remember to brush your teeth,” I signed. She nodded and danced into the bathroom. I looked around her room and remembered when I’d helped Daddy and Mum to decorate it. We’d all had lots of fun. Daddy had been given the weekend off from work so we’d decided to do something together as a family. The walls were baby pink and a pink canopy hung above her bed. The small vanity table was cluttered with various accessories and her hairbrush. I picked it up as she waltzed into the room. She sat down in front of me without me having to ask.

  She began to jabber away to me as I gently brushed her hair and plaited it neatly. I wasn’t really paying attention to what she was
saying. I could feel a gradual headache starting at the back of my mind and I knew that it would stay with me for the rest of the day.

  I managed to get Helen to school with plenty of time for me to walk instead of taking the bus. It was a good twenty minutes away. I tried to walk as often as possible; the extra pocket money that I got given for the bus fare was saved and put to one side for Christmas and birthdays.

  It was a warm spring day. I slipped my cardigan off and quickly stuffed it in my rucksack in order to enjoy the light breeze that danced around me. The new buds on the trees were beginning to blossom and the early morning sun glinted from the pretty pinks and blues.

  I arrived at school with plenty of time before lessons started and made my way to Math class. Just as I entered the classroom, the school bus arrived and a swarm of pupils entered the large concrete building. I quickly settled myself down in my seat so I wasn’t trampled by everyone else.

  Charlie ran into the room and plonked herself next to me. She beamed at me and began to jabber away about her evening. I smiled with her as I tried to keep up with the speed of her signing. She was so quick!

  At that moment the beacon on the wall flashed, announcing the beginning of class. I attempted to pay attention to Charlie who was still talking about what had happened but out of the corner of my eye I was searching for Joshua. He walked into the class behind everyone else with his head bowed. He didn’t look up at anyone or sign ‘good morning’ but made his way to the front of the class. I tried to catch his eye as he walked past me but he still refused to look up.

  Alex then walked in and winked at me before settling himself down in the seat in front of me. Our teacher came round and began to hand out the books that would be used today. She walked up and down the class making sure that everyone’s attention was on the board.

  It’s difficult for teachers to be able to hold our attention. I guess in normal schools they’d use load noises or shout a student’s name but they can’t do that here. Noise had no effect on us. We were the best behaved class in the world, no-one ever made a sound.

  Some of the teachers in the school were deaf like us but it made me smile that despite this, they were still able to find a job and live a life like everyone else. It gave us all hope.

  Charlie calmed down pretty quick when she realized I wasn’t paying her any attention. She tapped me impatiently on the shoulder and scowled at me.

  “Sorry,” I signed. “What were you saying?”

  “Never mind, I will tell you later.”

  The lesson started with its usual lack of enthusiasm but all I could think about was talking to Joshua. I had no idea how to go about it. Should I write him a quick note and pass it in class or would that be jumping the gun a little? I paid hardly any attention to the questions I was answering as I pondered what I should do.

  At break time, we all made our way to the school yard. It looked a lot like the school playground from the much loved cartoon Recess where TJ and the gang would cause trouble. I smiled at the thought.

  “What are you smiling about?” signed Charlie.

  “Recess,” I signed back. Charlie laughed. It was by far her favorite children’s TV program. “What were you telling me earlier?”

  “Me and Shaun went out on Saturday night. He took me out to dinner. Can you believe it? It was amazing. Who would have ever thought that someone like me could have gone on a date, never mind who with? I always thought such things would never happen. Shaun isn’t completely deaf like us so it didn’t create too many problems but the way he can sign, my goodness, you would think he had been doing it since he was born but he has only been partially deaf for seven years. What an achievement. He’s almost as good as you and me.

  “He understood everything I said to him, he didn’t even need me to slow down or repeat myself and I only corrected his signing once. It made him laugh. I wish I could have heard him laugh. I bet he has a nice laugh. Do you think he has a nice laugh? Never mind, he asked me out again, he asked for my number. I reminded him that if he called me he would have to speak to Mum because I can’t use phones. He nodded and said he couldn’t forget something like that. He’s so sweet, saying he wouldn’t forget something like that when he’s not so used to being around someone who’s deaf.

  “And then you will never guess what happened, go on guess, actually no, you will never guess. He kissed me, I know, he kissed me and it wasn’t just a peck on the cheek, it was a full-on kiss on the lips. Talk about amazing.” She allowed her hands to drop and let out a long breath. I started to laugh. I could feel my headache beginning to intensify.

  “You had a good time then?” I signed back.

  “I think ‘good’ is a bit of an understatement.” I glanced around the playground, scanning the crowd for Joshua.

  “Who are you looking for?”

  “No-one.”

  “Liar,” she smiled. She found it so easy to read people. Especially seeing as though people like us had to read body language as well as lips. It tells a lot about a person and yet no-one ever believes it. “Who are you looking for?”

  “You’re going to think I’m crazy.”

  “I already think that.”

  “I had a dream last night and it had the new boy in it. I’ve never even spoken to him so I don’t understand how that’s possible.’

  “That’s weird,” smiled Charlie. “I’m guessing you’re now looking for him.” I nodded. “Why?” I stopped glancing around and focused entirely upon on her. She had a good point. What was the use of me finding him? What would I do? Walk up to him, introduce myself and tell him I dreamt about him last night? That wouldn’t really work.

  “I don’t know.” I shrugged my shoulders.

  Chapter 4

  The teacher of my next class appeared at the top of the stairs that led back into the school building. She signaled to those that looked at her so that we knew it was time to go. Some of us began to make our way in, others noticed and then followed. A few stragglers were rounded up and ushered towards the door.

  By the end of my day, I was seriously thinking about how to introduce myself to Joshua. Every scenario I could think up was ridiculous or impossible. In the end I gave up and just daydreamed. At the end of the lesson, everyone began to bustle towards the door and in the process, someone managed to knock my folder to the floor. Papers flew in every direction. I snapped out of my daydream and looked at my scattered work. Typical.

  I bent down on my hands and knees and began to gather together all the lose sheets. I saw a hand reach down and begin to help me. I looked up straight into the distant and mysterious eyes of Joshua. I remember the distinct feeling of being drawn towards him. I couldn’t stop looking at him. He was the first to break eye contact and continued picking up my work. As suddenly as I entered the trance, I snapped out of it and hurriedly picked up the remaining paper.

  I slid them into the folder on the desk and signed thank you to him. He signed back saying I was very welcome. I smiled and I think I even blushed. I stuffed the folder into my bag, zipped it up and began a conversation with this stranger that had been on my mind all day.

  The conversation flowed freely but I noticed in the way he signed he was very unsure of himself. Sometimes he’d twitch his hands, as if hesitating as to what to say or he’d pause in the middle of a word. We walked casually down the street as I explained I had to pick up my little sister from school. He said he didn’t want to keep me waiting but I insisted that he come with me. I told him about Helen and how charming she was. He seemed to relax a little but there was still that underlying tension in every step he took.

  As usual, Helen rushed out to see me with an exuberant smile on her face. She glanced at Joshua but paid him hardly any attention. I picked her up and swung her round. I could see her laughing. I signed to her asking if she had a good day and she nodded, took my hand and began walking. She let go almost instantly as she began to tell me all about what she had done. I turned to check on Joshua and found him right nex
t to me. I smiled at him and returned my attentions to my little sister.

  I compared the fluidity of her hand movements to those of Joshua’s and was shocked at how much better she was than him. I glanced at Joshua and noticed that he was watching her hand movements as well. It didn’t take us long until we were nearing home. I signed to him asking where he lived.

  “I’m another fifteen minutes in that direction.” He pointed down the road. There weren’t many more houses along this road. I tried to think where the next one was. From what I remembered it was pretty run down. I asked him about it and he nodded.

  “What time should you be home by?” he shrugged and looked down at his feet. I could see Helen out of the corner of my eye, following the conversation. “Run in and start your homework,” I signed to her. She smiled and skipped away. “Do you want to go for a walk through these fields?” I asked.

  “Sure.’” I ditched my bag on the side of the road and he left his next to it. We walked into the long grass in silence. Not that that’s any different from normal; obviously there is never any noise in my life but the concept that neither of us were signing for the moment was essentially the same thing as not talking. It was a while before he began to sign again. He just chatted about nothing in particular and it was nice. I found some daisies hidden within the long grass, almost of sight. They were so pretty. I bent down and began to pick some.

  I could see him kneel down next to me and pluck his own flower from the ground. I started to make a chain of them and so he settled himself down on the ground.

  “Do you like flowers?” he asked. I nodded and smelled the delicate petals in my hand. He smiled at me and it was the most genuine expression I had seen all day. His eyes sparkled and he seemed to be truly happy there in that moment. I couldn’t help but smile back. I seemed to be locked in that motion and I had no idea how to leave but then I didn’t know if I wanted to. He broke eye contact with me a split second later. He blushed and deliberately turned his head away from me. I noticed he did that a lot. He seemed to want to avoid my eyes as much as possible.